Over 40, never married, no kids….Regrets?

The question

Do I regret being over 40, never married and no kids?

We have grown up with the understanding that we need to finish our studies, find a partner, get house and start a family. Not everyone is meant for that life and we need to accept that and move forward. As a society we tend to push our beliefs on others. If we are single, well, we are probably some crazy cat lady. If we don’t have kids, it’s because we don’t like them. Ok…. so I do have cats, lol, but I love kids.

Finding your soulmate

Okay, what does this even mean? Seriously, I feel like this is another thing we were raised with. Prince Charming or Snow White? Listen I see nothing wrong with spending your life with that person who you mesh with, but are we really locked by souls?

I have been to a lot of weddings and as of right now the stats are 2 out of 10 are still together. Prior to those weddings each were talking about finding their soulmate, not to be together after a few years? So, is there a soulmate out there for you or is it just a person that you love to spend time with.

The right person for you

I hope one day I can find someone that I can spend my time with. I’m not against love, I just haven’t found it yet. Yes, I have thought in the past that I was “in love” but when I look back it, it was during times where I felt the most under pressure from friends or family.

Finding someone that completes me

I have been single for quite some time now and found that in my past I was looking for someone to “complete” me and this is what I found. I needed to complete myself. Let me explain. Having anxiety and depression was such a hard thing for me to process. It took years for me to understand what I was going through. I always thought, if I can find that right person, maybe it will go away. I felt if I can just have that one person to “complete” that side of me I didn’t have, then I would be whole.

Looking back at my 20’s and 30’s there was so much about myself I didn’t know. Now that I’m in my 40’s I can see who I am, I know what I want in life and feel like choosing a partner, if I find one, will be much easier.

“You don’t like kids”

When I tell people I don’t have kids, I get the side dog look. Like, what do you mean you don’t have kids? You don’t like kids? I love kids, I worked with them for years. Each kid has their own personality and identity when they are younger and I love that. Raising a child is a big responsibility and people should see it as such. You’re raising the future.

Not able to have kids

The next thing I get asked is, “oh you must not be able to have them?”. In my 30’s I was with someone that I truly thought I was going to be with forever. We tried, it didn’t work. Honestly I thought it was him. I come from a very large family so I thought I would never had problems having them if I wanted. So after we broke up I went to see if I could do it on my own. Turns out, it was me. Yes, I could have kids but my chances were slim. Now, for some this would be heartbreaking and it truly hurts my heart for those who really want them and just can’t. However for me, I was okay. I was on the fence and felt like, again, this is what people wanted from me. However, I was just fine not having any and was able to move forward.

Adoption

I always said if the stars aligned and I was ready to raise a child I would adopt. There are so many kids out there that deserve and loving and caring home. You don’t need to give birth to raise as child, you just have to open up your arms and your home.

Changing the social norm

I talked a lot about the changes I see in our future generations in my vlog. I’m hopefully on so many things over the coming decades and this is one of them. The up and coming are changing so many of the social norms, settling down at a younger age and popping out a bunch of kids is one of them.

Check out my vlog, Never married, no kids…regrets?

They want to experience life, travel, live in tiny homes and are looking out for the planet. Okay, maybe not all. I love talking to kids in their teens and 20’s and it’s amazing to hear how they look at our generation and my parents and grandparents. Yes, they might be a little soft, but maybe soft is what we need right now.

Stop asking why

I think the big thing I want to get out of this blog is to make people realize that, not everyone is in your same mindset. Not everyone is meant to have companionship or kin. Some people want it but can’t have it, and others are content and very happy on their own. What I want to say is, mind ya business. Please stop judging and just be supportive of a person’s choice. Embrace how another person see’s things.

Relationships are like travel

I was driving the other day, and of course thinking about life, the blog and my vlogging. This saying came into my head. Life is like travel, some want the all inclusive, while others want the road less traveled. I love this and should put it on a t-shirt. It’s true though, we are not all destined for the same way of life, only the same destination.